Once I Had A Love
by Kiros Razer
Summary: Natsuki makes it clear to Shizuru that she doesn't think that she could feel the same the same way. Which causes Shizuru then moves on... However, Natsuki realizes her true feelings after she meets a now 'pregnant' Shizuru.


**Once I Had A Love**

**Disclaimer:  
I don't own the Mai-HiME characters and since this is a fan fiction site..  
You should have already figured that one out, if not..I am very sorry..  
you aren't a very bright individual. **

**  
Warning: Nothing too Yuri-fying but there is later an expression of love.**

Warning #2: Dyslexic Author

Warning #3: I didn't check over this fic.

Author's Note: This is a Shizuru X Natsuki fic,  
The idea came out random as I was writing in my notebook.

_......................................_

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**

"I'm sorry, Shizuru... I don't think I can love you in the way that you deserve."

"Natsuki..." Shizuru said as tears became apparent in her eyes.

"Please, Shizuru... don't cry..."

"Thank you... for putting up with me until now."

"Shizuru... you don't have to leave."

"Goodbye, Natsuki..."

The tan haired girl said as she ran off.

"Wait, Shizuru!" Natsuki called out and then ran after her. "I don't want you to leave!!"

She then fell to her knees and cried.

..............................

..............................

Natsuki then was awaken from her dream.  
Tears made their way from her eyes.  
The dream served as a haunting memory from an actual event that had taken place many weeks ago.

"I just didn't want her to get her hopes up..."

"My words made it only worse..."

"Shizuru is no where to be found either..."

...................................

...................................

The more time that went on, the more Natsuki missed Shizuru. Time itself had changed from weeks to months and now years.

One day, while Natsuki was out for a ride on her bike.  
She caught a glimpse of something that surprised her.  
Shizuru was walking hand in hand with a man.  
(In her mind she could only picture Shizuru as a lesbian.)

"Masato-kun, maybe we should buy some more tea while we are out."

"If you think we need it." he replied.

The bluenette girl got off of her bike and walked over.

"Shizuru...?"

The tan haired girl turned around, clearly surprised as she spoke, "Hello, Natsuki."

"Is this girl a friend of your's, darling?" Masato questioned.

Natsuki's eyes widened over the man's words.  
(Did he say "Darling?)

Shizuru then interrupted her thoughts by speaking up.

"Yes, we haven't seen each other for a long time, Masato-Kun."

Feeling a little jealous of the man Natsuki spoke,  
"Exactly, now tell me how you've been doing, Shizuru?"

"I'm.. doing alright... we're married now and expecting a child very soon."

Natsuki found herself shocked over what she had just heard. It was simply too much to take in at the moment.

"I hope it's everything... you could ever want."

Shizuru was unable to speak after hearing Natsuki's words. Masato decided then it was time for him to speak,

"We have the perfect relationship, her family arranged everything for us."

The blue haired woman felt dizzy after hearing his response. "Arranged...marriage..."  
(Shizuru married him because her family made her?)

"Natsuki, is it possible for us to meet again?"

"Of course..."

"Thank you, Natsuki..."

"Honey, are you alright?" the man asked out of concern for his wife.

"I think... I need to lay down now.."

"Let's go home, I'll get the tea tomorrow." he added.

"Thank you."

After the two of them left, Natsuki watched Shizuru once again walk away from her. It pained her to watch her go.

..............................

..............................

As the rain began to pour, Natsuki began clenching her fist angrily.

**"Just what the hell is she thinking... she can't possibly love him!"** she shouted and then bit her lip.

"Damn it, she's even pregnant too..."

"If only I had loved her... we could still be close and I would have never allowed this marriage to take place."

"What a spoiled brat, it's not like you wanted her anyway." Mentioned a familiar voice.

"Shut up, Nao... I don't need this from you right now."

"Or maybe your jealous?" The red head asked.

"I just want Shizuru to be happy, I know she can't be with that bastard hanging all over her..."

"Your best bet is to ask her, idiot."

Natsuki went quiet and then Nao sighed and added,  
"This is why I hate running into you, your too damn boring for my liking."

The red head took off and soon Natsuki began sobbing.

"Shizuru..."

.........................

.........................

The next day, Natsuki was awaken by a knock at her door. When she opened it, her heart began to skip a beat.

"Natsuki."

"Shizuru!" the bluenette girl called out and then continued, "Come in... would you like anything?"

"Just to sit with Natsuki."

A blush made itself apparent upon Natsuki's face as she replied, "Geez... get in here and sit down..."

Shizuru came in and shut the door behind her.  
Then both girls took a seat. It was silent for a few minutes until the older girl spoke.

"Natsuki..."

Soon the anger that was boiling inside the younger woman came out.

"Why in the hell did you accept the marriage?"  
Instead of waiting for an answer she continued,  
"Did you really want to marry a man?"

"Are you jealous?" Shizuru asked with a smile upon her face.

Natsuki blushed and then turned away.  
"I just can't believe that your married and pregnant... Shizuru."

"It's not too bad... I cook and I clean... and fulfill other needs as well and sometimes he buys presents for me."  
Shizuru added with unchanging expression upon her face.

"Shizuru!" The younger woman shouted out as her blush deepened.

Shizuru's expression then darkened as she mentioned, "Real love is something that I could never obtain.  
If I went with my feelings... I would still be annoying you."

Natsuki began to feel Shizuru's emotional pain.  
"Hey... I never said that you were annoying, Shizuru.."

The older girl looked away still carrying the dark expression. "It was silly of me to hang onto such a dream... At least now... I will be needed."

It took everything within Natsuki to muster enough courage to say how she felt at that moment.  
"I need you, Shizuru!"

"Natsuki..."

"I need you to stay in my life... it was painfully lonely without you..." the bluenette woman spoke.

"Ugh..."

"Shizuru, are you alright?" Natsuki questioned out of concern for the other woman.

Shizuru straightened herself up to help ease the worried sick Natsuki and spoke,  
"I think... my child is kicking... that's all.."

"Oh, do you know what your having yet?" Natsuki questioned out of curiosity.

"Everyone keeps assuming it's going to be a boy."

"I want to help you, Shizuru..."

The older girl smiled and replied,  
"I wish that we could have married, Natsuki."

Natsuki blushed over the girl's words.

....................

.....................

Natsuki became absorbed with her thoughts.

(What is wrong with me? My words are coming out so strange... I do care but is it enough to love Shizuru!?)

(Yeah, when Shizuru is around... I feel content...  
I care a lot about her and I want her to be happy!)

(She is clearly not happy with this man...  
Damn... why didn't she fight and say NO about the marriage?)

"Thinking too much has already caused you to have wrinkles on your forehead, Natsuki." mentioned Shizuru.

"Really?" Natsuki questioned.

"Just joking." Shizuru replied with a smile upon her face.

"Uhh...Shizuru..."

"Yes?"

"Do you... still love me?"

"I gave up on trying to obtain your love..."

The words painfully struck the bluenette as she tried to speak, "Shizuru..."

"I just cannot let go of these feelings...  
everything about you just makes me feel so many good things at once..."

After hearing Shizuru's words, Natsuki realized how similar a lot of their feelings were.

"You make me feel...many good things as well...  
I feel achy knowing that you will have to leave me again soon to go back to that son of a bitch..." Natsuki said as she felt her hands tighten into fists.

"Ah, Natsuki sounds like she's making a confession." Shizuru said with a smile.

The younger woman began to think about things again.

(If Shizuru and I had married... science could have helped us in having a baby.)

(Why am I... trying to put myself in that man's place?)

(I'm such an idiot... it's because I **LOVE** Shizuru!)

"Shizuru! I want you to leave him!"

"I'm sorry, Natsuki... but I cannot do that."

"You said you didn't love him..."

"He can take care of his child better than I could on my own." The tan haired girl replied.

(She is thinking for the sake of the child...)

"What if... What if I became a provider?"

"Natsuki wants to provide for us?"

"Please allow me let me take care of both of you!" Natsuki begged.

The older girl shook her head and replied,  
"It's something I have to do without you."

Natsuki once again pleaded,  
"I love you, Shizuru!"

Shizuru looked away and stated,  
"I shouldn't have discussed this with you.."

"I'll marry you if I have to, Shizuru!"

"Natsuki..."

"Please, Shizuru..."

"You don't love me in the way I need to be loved... at least he loves me."

"I hurt you in the past by not loving you back...  
Your doing the samething I did to him..."

Shizuru then interrupted her,  
"I simply cannot allow you to be placed into something like this without having the same feelings."

"For the longest time... I have wanted to love you in return... I just didn't know how." Natsuki admitted.

"Natsuki..."

"I'm very jealous, Shizuru... without any trials, he was offered the most perfect woman.."

"I'm not perfect..."

"Shizuru, please give me a chance."

"Does Natsuki want a baby?"

"As long as it belong's to you, I do."

The two embrace lovingly, While in tears Natsuki kisses Shizuru.

"My Natsuki is so loving and gentle tonight."

"I love you, Shizuru... so please... divorce his ass."

The tan haired girl laughed.

"I'm not trying to be funny, Shizuru..  
I want it to be the two of us again."

Sadly Shizuru replied, "It will never be the two of us."

"Please, don't go..." The bluenette begged.

"Your love has always been different from mine and this just cannot be true."

"Not true huh? Then why is my heart aching? I don't want to let you go."

Shizuru remained silent as Natsuki continued speaking.

"Please, think things over...I want to do this for the three of us!"

"You said--"

"Forget what I said in the past, I'm sure my words hurt you a lot...but please, I want to make up for everything...I swear I will always love and protect the two of you!"

"You only feel sorry for me..."

"That is **NOT** true! Part of me in the past...  
thought of things like us with a child of our own...  
There was always a side of me that wanted to be with you but was too scared."

All of the sudden Shizuru was hunched in pain.

"Ugh!"

"Shizuru, are you alright!?" Natsuki asked in concern.

"I.... think... ugh... I think it's time..."

"Come on, Shizuru! I'll get you to the hospital."

.........................

.........................

As soon as they entered the hospital, Shizuru was immediately taken in. The nurses all made Natsuki wait in the waiting room.

Knowing that Shizuru was in another room made her worry causing her to pace back and forth.

(The baby...will be here soon...  
I hope that they will be fine..)

Soon a nurse called out her name

"Kuga Natsuki?"

"Yes?"

"Please, come with me."

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..........................

When Natsuki walked into the room she was relieved and happy at the same time.

"Natsuki, my little boy some how turned into a little girl."

"She's beautiful... just like her mother." The bluenette replied as she kissed the little girl's cheek.

"_She_ still needs a name..."

"Huh, I thought you would have a name picked out.."

"What name does Natsuki like?" Shizuru asked.

"Hmm, how about Ren?" The bluenette asked.

"Is that what you wish to name her?"

"Shizuru, she is your baby!" Natsuki reminded.

"My little Ren that needs me.."

Natsuki smiled and then a thought crossed her mind.

"Will he... be here soon?"

"Yes, the hospital called him from work.."

Soon The bluenette sighed and replied,  
"I guess... you are set on being with that jerk...  
However, he is still her father and has a right to see his own daughter."

"Thank you, Natsuki for being with me today."

"You're welcome."

...............................

...............................

Soon Masato came rushing in nearly knocking Natsuki into the wall without even noticing her.

"Shizuru! How did it go?! Are you alright? Is he--"

"_She, _her name is Ren."

"Oh... so no boy..."

The change in his tone bothered Natsuki.  
(This bastard comes in late and is now disappointed because of the baby's gender?!)

"Oh, well... we can try for a boy next time... but she is rather cute."

Natsuki then interrupted,  
"Ren **is** cute because she came from Shizuru...  
You had better love these two, unconditionally."

Masato looked at Natsuki and replied,  
"Oh, I didn't see you in here...  
Could you please allow us some family time?"

Shizuru then spoke up,  
"Natsuki brought me to the hospital while you were working."

"Hmm..." He replied.

........................

........................

Natsuki stepped outside the door and hung her head low. That is... until she heard a loud slap.

"How dare you disobey me and go see that girl?!  
I told you last night that she made me feel uncomfortable."

"Natsuki doesn't like you either, Masato."

Anger boiled as The bluenette re-opened the door and saw Shizuru's slightly bruised cheek.

"I will never forgive anyone who hurts Shizuru!" Natsuki yelled out as she decked him.

"Ugh... you stupid bitch! Stay out of it!" he shouted.

"Unlike you, I care about Shizuru! Anyone that hits her is going to get their ass kicked by me!"

"Natsuki..." Shizuru mentioned with a blush upon her face.

"Shizuru..."

As Natsuki was about to walk over to the new mother.  
Masato got up and pushed her down.

Anger came over Shizuru as she spoke up,  
"I advise you to leave now, Masato...  
for I will not tolerate anyone trying to hurt my Natsuki whom cares about me."

A nurse came into the room and noticed what the man had done. Then understood by looking into Shizuru's eyes that the man should leave.

"I'm calling security, you had better leave, Sir." The nurse mentioned as she escorted him out.

"Good bye, BASTARD!" Natsuki shouted out.

"Natsuki..."

"Yes, Shizuru?"

"Would it be okay if I gave Ren your last name?"

The bluenette smiled and replied,  
"Sure, I'm going to be a dad to her right?"

The tan haired girl laughed and kissed Natsuki upon her lips.

"May I... hold her, Shizuru?"

Shizuru smiled and then teased,  
"Does Natsuki-Kun want to hold '_his' _daughter?"__

"Hey! I may not be a man... but I will treat our daughter with all of the love that she deserves.

...............................

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**Author's Note:  
**This is what happens when someone like me runs out of things to read and do on a Friday night.

I am aware that this isn't Yuri enough.  
It does leave room for a future sequel fic for when I get bored enough again.

I don't have a lot of explainations as to why I write certain things. It's just part of random ideas that occur sometimes, I guess.


End file.
